Trauma and Healing

Trauma isn't always what happened to you. Sometimes, trauma is what didn't happen. It is the love, safety, warmth, and attunement that stayed missing.

Maybe, it would have been helpful if you knew that back then, if you were aware of your patterns, while you were still in them. Maybe, things might have looked different, You might have said something different, You might have engaged with people, or the world, in a different way. And still, those parts of you were trying to protect you. They did all that they knew, just as they knew how. And, it is still helpful to know now. To engage with people, and the world differently n

Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It's going to cost you your comfort zone, and sense of direction. It's going to cost you relationships and friends. It's going to cost you being liked and understood. It doesn't matter. The people who are meant for you, are going to meet you on the other side. You're going to build a new comfort zone, around the things that actually move you forward. Instead of being liked, you're going to be loved. Instead of being understood,

Because, our nervous system doesn't discriminate between our trauma and someone else's. it doesn't say, "I will only mildly dysregulate you, because someone else 'had it worse'.." Trauma isn't measurable, and so it isn't comparable. @drjenwolkin

"my trauma made me stronger" but, my darling, you were never supposed to be strong. you were always supposed to be protected. and truly, it is so wonderful that in face of your trauma you had inner strength. that you fought, that you adapted, that you survived. honestly, its a miracle. though, you were never supposed to be strong. you were supposed to be loved, and held nurtured, and fiercely protected. shown warmth, and grace, and kindness a softness. afforded safe space to

Trauma is someone pouring red paint on the floor in the middle of your living room.. You see the mess it has caused; it's not your mess, but it's your living room. So, you clean it up. It's a lot of work to clean up red paint, and it takes a lot of time, but your living room is back in order... Months later, you notice an adjacent wall is speckled with small bits of red paint that you missed.. You try to ignore it, but an old friend comes to visit, and they point it out. So,

With a new season, we can welcome new opportunities to re-emerge, to refresh, and to reflect And in our spring cleaning, perhaps we can think about our patterns, the same way we think about our clothes. What can we let go of, as we embrace for a new season of life? Those we want desperately to fit, that we can't seem to let go of? The ones that once made us comfortable, that now no longer serve us. The styles we copied from others that maybe never really belonged. Those that

To tell someone they are stronger because of their trauma, is to deny what it cost them to survive @nate_postlethwait

if we can reflect and find that we are the common denominator in a pattern that keeps showing up in our lives perhaps we can meet this with compassionate curiosity... to wonder why we keep choosing this or for which parts of self keep choosing this. to take accountability for those parts that [though perhaps well-intentioned] move in ways to keep us stuck. the awareness of, and insight into our patterns coupled with grace and kindness for those tender parts can empower us to

trauma replaces patterns of connection with patterns of protection - Deb Dana

you are not defined by your biggest mistakes, your worst moments, or one moment in time. you are a beautiful and complex being, and life is messy, you are whole, a collection of all of your parts, and you are so much more than your darkness. we are not defined by our worst moments, though we do need to take accountability for them, to process, understand, learn, and evolve. release the shame, and allow them to shape, and to choose paths that may feel more aligned with who we

don't shrink, don't puff up, just stand your sacred ground. - Brené Brown

uncomfortable truth those who are actively engaging in their healing, are likely to outgrow people who aren't doing their own work. @theempoweredtherapist

no matter how beautifully or gracefully you move through your healing journey, for the progress you have made, and all that you have overcome, we are not immune to life, and we will still experience sadness, and fear, and anger, and joy. we will still experience life in all of its wonderful colours and all of its wonderful forms. and we will remain simply human, for the goal isn't to no longer feel, perhaps it is to expand our capacity to show up fully and authentically into

when you feel yourself moving into shutdown, and when you notice the loud withdrawal, practice moments of quiet connection, with those who feel safe, those who make you feel seen, those where you feel understood. even if just in those micro-moments. practice connection slowly, and gently, and allow it to be soft. honour your solitude, in a way that gives solace, rather than isolates, and be intentional for who you connect with. though, where able, continue to connect with you

to understand the life of those who live with complex trauma, is to understand that they have endured multiple traumas, and rather than being protected, shielded, or have others fight to cease their trauma, nor acknowledgement it should never have happened, they have been taught how to adapt, how to endure, and how to survive that pain in a world that neglected their safety, and offered them only survival.

when our pain lies untouched, it won't sit quietly or patiently in the shadows, It can be loud, and strong, and heavy, messy. growing bigger, with hope to be seen. It leads, and sometimes with force. pain shows up in our choices It colours our reactions, and shapes our view of self, and the world. pain settles in, and demands a home, until we invite it in. persisting. until we sit with it, until we hold it, until we allow a voice. and when we finally listen, and honour its pl

you are not too much, though, maybe life has been too much, maybe, you have had too much happen to you and things have felt like too much, maybe you have experienced too much, too much hurt, too much loss, too much pain, too much neglect, and not enough love, that made you feel not enough, though you are not too much. my darling, you are so much more than enough.

when we own our mistakes, when we choose accountability, it softens the fear around failure, and quietens the noise around getting things 'wrong'. it embraces our humanness, it releases our shame, it empowers us to make decisions without fear. it gives us permission to grow and to evolve and allows us to be free, to remain curious, to learn with openness, to lead with authenticity, and to connect more deeply and more honestly with others and with ourselves

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and i want you to know, your story is your strength. even when its feels heavy, fractured, and hard to hold. your voice matters, even when it shakes, even if it stays unspoken. even if all you have done is survive, that is enough. your body remembers, your nervous system protects. what happened to you was not your fault, the weight of their harm wasn't yours to carry. you deserved to feel safe, you deserved to be protected. you deserved